


Thrill of first love

by MagicalGhost96



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Peter Lukas, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, No beta we kayak like Tim, Peter did not realize he was almost dating Elias, Self internalized aphobia, Self-Doubt, Soft Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, ace author, also comunication later on, asexual subtype sex repulsed, because we love to see it, but accdentally getting into one, implied cheating?, its complicated, the journey of trying to avoid a relationship, we call it growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalGhost96/pseuds/MagicalGhost96
Summary: Peter realized that he was different in another way once he left Mooreland to go and study to take over a ship from his Uncle’s.My self indulgent Peter Lukas ace fic with lonelyeyes. Or, how to try and avoid a relationship but accidentally fall into one.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Thrill of first love

Peter met James only a couple of times, before the man died and was replaced by one Elias Bouchard, he even attended the funeral for the man, forced by his family obviously.

There he had the unpleasant meeting with the new head of the institute, the man was young, apparently he got promoted at 27, which was really a novelty, Peter himself was 32 albeit he looked a little older by the grey hair that started to pop out. Elias stared at him with a sharp smile, he of course looked to the side of his face to avoid eye contact. It was awkward and annoying, since he kept looking and insisted on talking to him, but he managed to live. 

The next time he meets him is in one of those funding parties the institute does every year, he understands that its a front since his family and Simon’s pay for mostly everything, but he has to go, since he got appointed to deal with the institute money. That's what he gets for refusing to marry and have children, just thinking about that whole disaster of a talk and the consequences makes him want to go away. 

Out of the two this was the lesser evil and at least it doesn't make him feel ill.

Simon introduces them again and after small talk he leaves them alone. 

He takes a sip of champagne and decides to just leave when he is done with the glass, no need to prolong his suffering. Of course Elias, who mind you, dressed very sharply and looked rather good, decided to inconvenience him by talking, of course not one to give up, he starts to talk too, albeit he says nothing important or that the other could use about him at all.

It makes him frown slightly and Peter’s lips twitch in a smile, that seems to infuriate him, now smiling more genuinely he asks him a few things while he refuses to answer back.

It becomes sort of a game then.

Everytime they are forced to interact they annoy each other or try to get the other to spill something. Eventually it devolves into bets to get answers from the loser, the competition was far too tempting so Peter agrees, he ends up winning most of the time, so slowly and without really meaning to he gets to know Elias. When he realizes he is so angry and impressed he cant stop himself from chuckling, the only reason why he even noticed, was because in one trip he saw a shop with a mug that had an eye pun and he remembered the man admitted when he asked that he actually found them hilarious. He ended up buying it.

When he started to get letters on all the ports he got down, he did get annoyed, collecting them all without reading them he just threw them away into the ocean.

Once he is back the man does not contact him at all, well good riddance.

….

Peter caves first and ends up sending him the mug as a present along a note with a frowny face.

Elias asks if he wants to talk somewhere else that is not his office or the park nearby, as it had become their usual routine.

It makes him pause. 

If he says no, the present would have been for nothing, on the other hand he would be spending time with Elias in what could be considered a friendly outing.

…. 

Decisions then, dinner is a no go, there are implications with a dinner with just the two of them that leaves him rattled. Lunch or a coffee break.

He asks him to have lunch during his break time at the institute, there, perfectly innocuous and can’t be misinterpreted, Elias pauses on the phone when he finally calls him to let him know.

“Thats… amenable, see you then” Line goes off and Peter lets out a breath, perfect solution.

It goes well, they talk, or well banter back and forth while their food arrives, Elias has limited time before having to go back so Peter has an assured way out. He has… fun.

The fact that he has fun with the man was sort of frightening, its not even the same fun as with Salesa who he has started to speak to whenever they cross paths, but it's different somehow.

The pattern continues, now that he has established a perfect time to spend with Elias, that is reasonable and gives him an out without looking like a date, he can relax a little. Slowly he also starts to send him more stuff that he knows the man would like. At first its little gifts or trinkets that fit him, later he starts to get bigger stuff and more personal, the man always seems elated to receive it and it makes Peter feel something at seeing the satisfied expression Elias makes whenever they meet up that leaves him a little too bothered, so he goes away for longer. Still, a pattern is established and Peter is enjoying himself.

They meet for lunch, sometimes they talk by phone, Peter leaves for a few months and buys stuff for Elias for when he eventually comes back, rinse and repeat. It lasts for a couple of years, until the other decides to break the cycle.

“Say lunch is great, but perhaps we could enjoy more conversation if we met up at a different time?” It stumps Peter so much that he almost leaves through Forsaken. He takes a measured breath and smiles brightly.

“I don't see why! I enjoy this quite a lot” Elias looks at him critically, he is wearing the suit, watch and eye cufflinks he got him the last few months. His stare is piercing and Peter does his best to not cave and look elsewhere.

“.... i see, well i suppose that's all right then” He sounds neutrally displeased and Peter is trying very hard not to frown himself, why does he have to insist on changing things? This was perfectly fine! He gets presents and they talk, Elias has the upper hand in his opinion.

Still maybe some variety to keep him off his back.

“Well… how about coffee?” The man looks at him bewildered and Peter is doing his best to not get nervous.

“Not what i had in mind, but i will take it” He dreads a little to know what he did have in mind. So they reschedule for Saturday afternoon to go out. Peter dresses casually like usual, its when he sees Elias do the same for the first time since they met that he has a moment of panic.

He looks good in a more casual outfit, his eyes are looking at him as discreetly as possible, albeit the small smirk the man gives him is a sign it's not working. Swallowing he starts their typical talk and hopes that his heart starts to beat slower again.

…

Much later they go to walk around, Peter is struggling to find an excuse to leave, he must be gprojecting to hard, because the people around them start to actively avoid them on the street, amusing Elias endlessly. He even laughs and turns to look at him, it causes something to flutter in his chest. Eventually Elias touches his arm making him flinch, the man pauses and puts on a poker face.

“I think it might be late, I should head back” Oh yes.

“Yes, it is. Well that was fun, anyways, see you in…” He tries to recall how long he is supposed to leave this time “4 months i think?” Elias looks at him and Peter sweats a little, there is a flash of something that he can't quite figure out before it's gone.

“Very well see you until then”

They part ways. At his apartment while he makes dinner, he thinks about the other touching his arm and laughing and it causes him feels his cheeks flush. Never a good sign.

He gets two letters that he does read this time, after considering it he ends up calling him. Elias sounded honestly surprised by it and the wonder in his tone makes his palms sweat and his cheeks flush with the excitement of the other, Peter talks a little, but the shorter man just tells him whatever he wanted, its relaxing and it was getting late so he ends up yawning.

“... Are you tired?”

“Mm, its late here” With a long suffering noise and some fondness he replies.

“Please go to sleep, it was nice talking, but i also have to do some things” Nodding and then remembering he cant see him. Or maybe he can? Regardless he agrees.

“Thanks for calling” With a sigh and a few seconds of silence he quietly replies.

“No problem”

So a new pattern begins, they still have lunch, but sometimes they go out for coffee, slowly he starts to be less stiff and enjoys walking afterwards when the man starts to point out other people’s fears. Peter also calls when he is away and still buys more things for the other man. He hates to admit it, but he is looking forward to their little… not dates, but time together. Yes that.

Still he is experiencing some concerning signs when he is around the other avatar that leave him deeply disturbed. He should cut things off now, they would both be… lonely, or he would be at the very least. However… he is not the kind of man who would throw away what he wants so he stays, even if he feels this might crash and burn him.

Elias invites him to the annual institute christmas party so with a sigh he goes. Oh its not for anything but to look at the happy people there and feel himself being left out, a delicious sort of loneliness.

It did not have anything to do with the man himself.

Things were going great, meeting the archivist not so much, but at least he got to stand further away and watch Elias be a gracious host. He did notice that he was drinking a little too much, but he reasoned that the man knew his limits better, they had after all never drank together. With their lunches the shorter man had no chance to do such a thing if he had to go back.

So by the time everyone was mostly gone and it was him and Elias, the man was fairly tipsy. He said that he lived close by and Peter, for all his faults, did not like the thought of him walking around like that, so he offered to accompany him. Once he told him his address he realized that he really didn't live that far away, what a workaholic.

It was when they were leaving that Elias made a noise and looked up, so he followed, a mistletoe was hanging up the door’s arch making him lock his jaw in place. Elias looked at him for a second, but started to push his arm to keep going. Relief at the very least.

He did not mind the touch anymore, the weight of the man grabbing onto his arm was actually not so bad. He will miss it when Peter is away at sea, so at least Forsaken will get something out of this whole affair.

Once outside the cold made his companion shiver and they started to walk, still it did not seem to warm him at all so Peter stopped him.

“Peter its cold, we should go-” He wraps his scarf around him, Peter is warm most of the time and the cold doesn't actually bother him as much despite the differences in temperatures. Elias was, generally speaking, really cold for some reason and the colder weather made him worse. So he lets him borrow it.

He looks at him in honest surprise and he feels his face getting hot, he doesn't flush thankfully, but there is embarrassment.

“Don't mention it” He starts to walk faster, making the man stumble and curse him out.

Finally they reach the apartment building and now Peter can let out a sigh and say his goodbyes.

“You could stay, it is late and i have a big couch courtesy of someone” He raises an eyebrow and looks at him, his face is flushed due to the weather, but Peter is struggling, is it just that? Just an offering to sleep? He hesitates too long and the man looks resigned and miserable, a feeling of loneliness is there and it pleases him greatly to know he cares about him enough to be lonely, but he is not sure how comfortable he is with the implications.

Elias opens the door to the complex and Peter had a few seconds to make up his mind.

…

In the end as everything with them he lets Elias flip the board. 

“Sure” Blinking rapidly he sees him starting to smile and he feels his hands sweat and his chest like someone stabbed him with an icicle.

They go up.

The place is clean, but sort of cluttered, there was a mix of styles old and new that didn't look bad, but he did not expect them in the slightest. He asks if he wants something warm like a tea or coffee, but he refuses. Shrugging he goes to a room while he sits on the couch that he impulsively bought when the man mentioned that the one he had was getting old.

It was really comfortable, far more than the one in his own place.

Elias comes back after a while in a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, said shirt clung to him and he could see just a flash of skin, Peter is currently thinking with mounting dread that he would very much like to touch it. Letting out a nervous breath Elias offers him some blankets and a pillow that he takes and thanks him for.

After there is an awkward silence, go away he thinks, go to sleep and leave me alone.

He shouldn't have accepted. Elias stays and hovers looking at him for a little, but ends up wishing him a good night and leaves.

Peter looks at his retreating back and once the door shuts close he is alone in the room. He only takes off his shoes, coat and christmas sweater. Elias had given him one look when he came to the institute that said that he would have liked to burn it to the ground, it made him grin at his indignation.

Then he lays there very nervously and when nothing happens, he covers himself with the blanket and goes to sleep. If he is lucky he can escape before the other wakes up.

Waking up he is disorientated until he recalls last night, then he is up in an instant looking around. There is a clock that said it was eight in the morning, so he quickly starts to redress to make his leave, when his stomach makes a very undignified noise and he recalls that he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday late afternoon.

Elias is asleep he believes, so maybe he can just grab something, a cookie or whatever and go.

Peter stares, he at the very least has the excuse that he is not back at his place in months, but Elias pantry and fridge are practically empty, its depressing even for him and that is something. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sees some eggs, jam and once he looks around the pantry for a second time bread.

It would have to do.

Elias comes when he has finished making scrambled eggs and toasting the bread.

They stare at each other.

“You have no food, do you honestly just eat your employees fears?” He goes very blunt, Elias opens and closes his mouth and starts to flush.

“None of your business” Shrugging he offers the plate with the extra food. 

Peter drinks some coffee he made and realizes that he has to buy him a new coffee machine. Mm maybe he can send it before he goes in three days. Elias eats, but keeps giving him suspicious looks, if he honestly thinks that he is trying to poison him, Peter decides to take the biggest bite of food just to mess with him.

The man sighs, soon he starts talking and Peter joins him.

He has to leave, Elias opens the door. By then he had calmed down much more and figured that it really wasn't so bad. The man threatens him while they are at the door and Peter who is looking down at him has the sudden urge to kiss the corner of his mouth. 

Oh.

Thats not- 

In his sudden internal panic, he cuts him off and says goodbye, not before leaning down and kissing his cheek instead. When he realizes what he did he just disappears.

Nonono.

What was that??? Why did he-? He thought he didn't care about those things!

Peter panics while walking around in the lonely, eventually forsaken starts to take hold and he starts to feel more hollowed out. So by the time he is at his apartment he flops in his bed and he has time to think things through.

He realized that he was different in another way once he left Mooreland to go and study to take over a ship from his Uncle’s. There he had to socialize, but he still felt like an outsider, its when he was among other people his age that he realized how much people put empahiss in relationships and sex, to him it was more like a mild curiosity, something that he could watch, his body responded sure, but its not like he really wanted to do anything with it, let alone go out of his way to do it. Hearing it or watching it was one thing, it was the idea of participating that left him disgusted to no end.

Kissing was something of a hit and miss too. 

He entertained that maybe it was because of his connection to the lonely, but Simon who spoke about some of his ancestors and was not very ashamed about speaking on certain topics, seemed to confirm at the very least that it was more of a he thing and not supernatural. 

He relished on it. First it meant that he had no reason for any kind of relationship so he could be alone in peace and secondly? Secondly it was alienating to know that he was so different from anyone else, that he wouldn't fit in how society expected him to act or be. 

It was fine, until he realized that wouldn't really stop people around him from thinking otherwise. It had been on him, not used to being around others in that context, so when the opportunity arose he didn't realize that he was giving the wrong impression.

It ended poorly.

The man had tried to kiss him, Peter did consider him handsome in some abstract sort of way, but the moment he got closer to his face to kiss him on the mouth?

The complete and utter revulsion hit him instantly.

Suddenly the other was gone, like the first time he disappeared a person, he was just not there anymore, but Peter knew that he did not want that to happen ever again, he didn't want to be perceived like that again-

But.

But, but, but- He did not expect to like Elias, genuinely like him.

Groaning against his pillows in complete misery he had to think, a test then, he tried to imagine himself with Elias, first it was something simple, him grabbing his arm, that turned into holding hands.

So far so good.

The idea of maybe having the man wrapped around him while watching something on tv made his heart speed up and it still felt good. 

Kissing his face was ok, in fact-

His lips still tingle and he realizes he kind of wanted to do it more.

Fuck.

Next was the mouth, it made him pause, at the time it was sort of a momentary thing, now he really finds it distasteful, which puzzles him and confuses him even more, since he clearly wanted it before. Touching?

The idea of just caressing him wasn't bad, so that was ok, in fact he would like it a lot. He pictures the small amount of flesh he saw the night before and wants to just put his palm and trace patterns on it. He blushes even harder.

It was so stupid! He was alone and he didn't want this kind of thing!!! Still he needed to check.

Finally it was the worst part, he has just a moment to try and picture them having sex and he knows that he is definetly still on the same page as before. No

Just no.

It's disconcerting the fact that he likes everything else, even wants to spend time with him and finds him attractive, but he can't really manage the basic things other people can, without feeling utterly disgusted.

It was the reason why he refused to marry, that would imply having kids and that meant-

Nonono.

So the only thing he knows for sure is that he likes Elias, would like to be a little more physical perhaps, but knows that meant the man would have the wrong impression and ask for more- and this Peter could not give.

So he is basically fucked? 

He sighs, still there is something for it, he is still alone and unrequited feelings are always something of a perfect meal for Forsaken.

Peter doesn't have to change anything, this doesn't mean anything really. He just keeps acting like usual with the man and that's it.

GIfts, talks and occasionally just going to eat something.

If he craved for contact that he knew he wouldn't get and it made him miserable than it was even better.

So he kept it up, he did buy the coffee machine and sent it before leaving, but he did not send any messages. It was fairly obvious who it was from. Back in the Tundra he felt far more at ease, the months away, plus his own refusal to call made him think less and less of the man, so by the time he was closer to England he was actually feeling fairly neutral about him.

Maybe, just maybe it was a thing of the moment, the separation made him realize and snap out of whatever little trap he was in.

Yes that must be it.

Once back he asked him for lunch again and the other agreed, they went back to their usual behaviour, he did not acknowledge the kiss at all and the man did the same, he thought about asking for the scarf that he realized he forgot there, but honestly he could just buy another one.

Still ever so slightly as if he got thawed from ice, he started to get those pesky little thoughts and feelings again the more they spend time with each other. He started to just walk or sit a little closer, but made sure that it all looked casual. Sometimes he would get those flashes of wanting to kiss the man, but they never lasted long, Peter felt like he was walking a fine line.

Eventually Elias asks if he wants to go eat at his place some day, making him start cursing in his mind in a panic. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times, trying to figure what to say.

“Maybe come on a saturday and have lunch, i promise to have actual food” He makes quotation marks and it snaps out of it, making him snort.

“I- sure yes” Elias smiles at him and he grins back.

So it goes like this, Peter goes to eat at his place, the food is good, clearly the man wasn't used to cooking, but it turned out ok and he complimented it making him look elsewhere embarrassed. They talked and eventually drank coffee with the new machine he got the shorter man.

Later it becomes a routine, at least once or twice before he goes away they eat at his place.

He grows comfortable and that is his main issue, because Elias as it stands plays the long game marvelously. Peter begins to stay longer and longer, sometimes he offers to watch a movie, others just talking, but slowly he starts to _stay_.

Until one day he eventually stays for dinner, it happened so deceptively slowly that he did not see it coming, he could run off now, but Elias asks if he wants to order something and he has just a few seconds to not disappear on the spot. Managing a weak yes, the man goes back to the phone to ask for food.

Peter is an idiot. 

Maybe after the food he can say it's late and go back, maybe he can avoid any unnecessary confrontation. Elias comes back and sits close to him, he turns on the tv and they start watching it. Peter is sitting stiff on the spot, he can feel the warmth of the other man right next to him and it would be so tempting to just grab him and sit him on his lap and relax against the couch.

So very easy.

He tells jokes and anecdotes even if it feels like he is being toyed with somehow.

The food arrives and they eat there, its not terrible, but he is stressed.

Once he finishes in record time, he waits for Elias who asks if he was that hungry, he laughs weakly.

“Yeah” He gets up to stretch once the other finishes and says that it was nice, but he has to go.

“Oh, well yeah sure, albeit you can sleep on the couch too, you are right it is late” Smiling he shakes his head.

“No need, i really should be going” Elias' expression flickers too quickly for him to read, but he smiles.

“Yeah, yeah, lets go” Elias opens the door and Peter gives a step out feeling like a free man.

“See you Peter”

“See you Elia-” The shorter man stands on the tip of his feet to reach him and kisses him on the cheek.

There is silence.

“Well…. see you next week” He disappears on the spot. It could have gone more wrong he assumes.

Just pretend it never happened, yes let's do that.

They don't mention it and Peter buys him a new suit.

He stays again and leaves, Elias doesn't kiss him goodbye, he is unsure if he should be relieved or not. The fact is that he keeps to himself and doesn't really make any contact with him, despite wanting to. Not gonna say anything.

Eventually he stays and sleeps there on the couch and by morning he makes breakfast before leaving again. Peter starts to stay longer and longer until he has to bring a few spare clothes that Elias keeps for him. From there it's a sliding slope.

He wakes up to wash his teeth one morning and realize that he came back from his latest trip and had been staying at Elias' apartment the entirety of his time on land. Peter ends up making breakfast mindlessly while he starts to panic, are they living together? How did he not notice oh god he is an idiot.

Elias comes wearing only a shirt and his underwear and he has the very bad thought that he wanted to sneak his hands inside the shirt to hug him.

He is becoming a complete mess.

Did he drug him? Use a mind altering Leitner? Elias sleepily eats his breakfast once he puts it on the table. Eventually he manages to speak.

“Think i'm going back to my place today” The man doesn't pause and just nods.

“Sure, see you later” He swallows

“I mean i'm going back to sleep there? It's nice here, but i sort of miss sleeping on an actual bed you know?” Elias blinks a few times and his mouth twitches downwards. Is he keeping him here?

“I see” And that's that.

He goes back and it's perhaps even lonelier than he remembers, he relishes in the fact that he feels positively miserable here. Peter doesn't go back to see Elias before parting again.

Once the trip is almost over he calls to ask for lunch, but Elias sounded tired, no idea why.

“I'm a little bit busy and i don't have time for lunch Peter, i will just eat here” The sting of rejection hit him and he let out a pleased sound. 

“That's all right! How about tomo-”

“Peter i really dont have the time” He frowns, why is he acting so off?

“I see. Well once you are free let me know”

So they did not meet up, Elias didn't call and Peter… well he wouldn't grovel, even if he didnt know what the issue was.

So the month passes and he has to go away again. He feels mildly upset, but it's not so bad, he has time to not even think about that silly infatuation.

During this trip he does call him, Elias speaks, but there isn't much behind it and Peter grapples with what to do. Let it be or ask. The man says he is tired and hangs up.

It goes like that for the next few months. Peter keeps sending more gifts, in fact he starts to buy way more than before. Either he keeps them or sells them he doesn't care, he asks only once if he liked the presents.

“... they are very nice Peter” It sounds a little hollow, it sounds a little lonely. 

“Do you really not like them? I can get you something better if you tell me what you want”

“What do you want?” It startles him.

“I- excuse me?”

“Yes, what do you want? Why send me presents or talk with me?” Peter starts to feel like this is the beginning of a conversation he doesn't want to have.

“Because I thought you wanted to? or liked them at least”

“But why?” The back of his brain is telling him that this is a trap or test or something.

“Because i… enjoy your company, loath as i want to admit it, you are sort of a…. well friend is not the right word, but i certainly enjoy our games or talks”

The line goes silent and he is worried it cut off.

“So just to clarify, something like friends?” He sighs and flushes in embarrassment and a little bit of anger.

“Yes Elias, we are something not quite like friends, i really don't think our own personal alliances permit much than that”

“I see… its good to know then” He missed something certainly.

“Look, will you be free to have lunch or get something to drink once I'm back next week or not?” He hears him move and he tries to picture what he is doing.

“I will make time” It's unfair how relieved it makes him feel.

“Good, good. Thank you”

Its like something flipped somewhere, Elias acts like normal, but he can tell there is something not quite right. Eventually he asks if they are meeting up for the weekend, but he says he has other plans.

? 

Since they met Peter had not heard the man having plans with anyone even while they talk on the phone. So even if he is a little disconcerted he jokes about it.

“Well have fun in whatever murder sheme you have then”

“Mm not quite murder, more like personal fun” Peter looks at him and tries to piece-

“Oh” He looks elsewhere.

“Yeah” Well at the very least he knows where he stands with the man, letting out a breath he adjusts his coat.

“Still, have… fun” Elias looks at his food pleased and Peter figured that this was one of the most likely outcomes, should even be glad that he is not bothering him, but it does actually bother him. How unfair.

They finish and go their separate ways.

He doesn't contact him for a week before seeing a first edition book that he ends up buying and sending it to him. After two more days he asks to go walk around and he agrees.

It keeps happening, he even entertains the thought that he might be just bluffing to get him off his back, but Simon does mention that he hasn't seen him going out that often in a while. Which makes him feel a pit on the bottom of his stomach.

Peter had thought about it, clearly Elias was doing this on purpose, the man was a very angry mystery that he liked quite a lot, in fact he felt more lonely thanks to him than ever before. He is sure the other must get something out of their continued talks.

It's then that he realizes that he might actually… love the man, because he really can't stand to actually let him slip away.

So he reckons that losing this would be terrible. Which is why he is trying his hardest to not give away how he is feeling. 

“Would you like to go for dinner?”

“Mm? You can come to my place and-”

“I mean to go out to a restaurant for dinner? Then to your place” Elias pauses, they are on the phone, because Peter knows he could not have looked at his face.

“... That's…. quite alright actually, what is the ocasion?” He practiced this.

“Well i just wanted to take out somewhere more nice for once”

In the end he agrees. Peter dresses nicely, gets a reservation and goes. Elias looks astounding and he would really like to spin him around and kiss his face. His mouth turns upwards. He is mildly cool towards him which, yeah makes sense.

But as the night progresses it becomes more normal for their standards. Peter drinks out of nerves and hopes that maybe it helps him out later. The whole thing went great, they even found a woman that was afraid of dying alone and Peter had a lot of fun showing off to Elias who watches with rapt attention. It made something pleasant burn in his gut.

Eventually they go back to Elias' place, where he asks if he has any more wine, he really needs it if things go the way he thinks are going. Elias laughs but pours him and himself a glass of wine.

Peter's mind is sort of buzzed. They talk and laugh, the drink makes him more loose so he ends up actually leaning into Elias, who makes a surprised but pleased sound and looks at him with something akin to softness. 

He smiles back and without thinking he kisses the tip of his nose, making him stare.

He has a moment to panic when the man laughs and maybe he misunderstood-?

“I really can't understand your motivation at all” ? Elias laughs but ends up curling against his side. So maybe not misunderstood after all?

“Um, ok?”

“Mmm, Peter?” His heart hammers in his chest.

“Do you want to sleep in my room?” He manages a smile.

“If that's what you want” He looks at him.

“You complained about wanting to sleep on a bed before so…” Oh, is- does he not want to-?

Nodding, Elias grins, however he looks at his face and gets closer. Peter doesn't particularly want to kiss now, but he would endure. The man stays half there and he realizes he is waiting for him, so with a little clumsiness he presses their lips together.

Its… innocuous. Still when Elias moves he does the same and tries to more or less mimic him, when he bites his lip and Peter gasps he feels him-

Peter bears with it even if he feels like shit, even manages to mildly reciprocate, he does not want to be doing this, but he does love Elias and wants him to be around. Peter doesn't stay for long so maybe he can get used to it. They keep going and he starts to mindlessly touch his back sneaking his hand inside his shirt, that feels nice actually so he focuses on that instead of the whole making out. 

Of course Elias notices his lack of enthusiasm and stops while recovering his breath, Peter is more tired and mildly disgusted than anything.

“What's wrong?” Shaking his head he plays dumb.

“What do you mea-”

“Peter no offense, but you are stiff and it felt like you were going through the motions. Look-” he sighs and starts to pull away, but he really didn't want him to so he pulls him over until he is sitting in his lap and he can wrap himself around him, this feels much better. Letting out a sigh and kissing the back of his neck, because he does want to do that a lot Peter just lies.

“I never really- i was committed to… loneliness so i never tried to…. you know what i mean” He hopes the lie is convincing enough.

“... That explains a lot” Its both good and actually offensive, but he will take it.

“So yeah that's it” He keeps kissing his neck and does finally sneak his hands inside the shirt, making him squirm.

“It explains a lot but- Peter! But its not the whole truth is it?” He squeezes too hard.

“I don't know what you mean”

“... I can't read you thought, forsaken wont let me, but i can know that you are scared of me finding out something so what is it?” He bites making him yelp.

“Is that what all of this was? A game to figure out what my problem is?” Peter is now very, very angry, he pushes him off him and he gets up scowling “I guess it must be great having fun at my expense! You get entertainment and money and maybe a quick fuck?” He says it and winces at the end. He was an idiot.

“Stop being childish Peter, if you weren't so bloody confusing with the way you act-”

“No, I do believe I don't owe you an explanation and you knew how i was so do not patronize me. Well have fun, i don't want to play anymore” Peter refuses to hear what the man says because he disappears.

Idiot, idiot, such a fucking bloody idiot, he almost made himself do something so-

For just a piece of garbage like Elias-! In forsaken he is kept safe, his anxiety and terror is soon forgotten and he gets everything he needs to just leave. He tells Thaddeus in the morning to gather the crew and that they were making a long, long trip away.

Peter gets up and sails away deciding to not talk or think about Elias ever again. He doesn't call, any letter he gets he burns and he doesn't send anymore presents. Only the money that was agreed for the institute. He spends the next months in a haze, the lonely pleased with his hurt soothing him like a balm, like this he won't need anything or anyone again, he will be his normal self.

He let out a breath once they arrived at port, he would go back to his empty apartment and spend some time there-

Peter sees a lone person standing and watching the ship arrive and he stiffens, what is he doing here?! How did he even know he was coming today??

When the disembarkment starts he considers picking his luggage going into the lonely and escaping through the back without him noticing. He feels a pressure and realizes that the man was upset enough to watch him.

Pissed off he goes down and meets up with him.

“Hello Elias, what a surprise to see you here, what brings you to port toda-”

“Peter, do you know how long you have been gone?” Peter pauses.

…

He insisted on prolonging the trip more and more, Thaddeus looked slightly concerned, but did as told, at one point he really did sort of forget. Originally it was 5 months…. how long-

Elias lets out an angry breath and looks directly at him.

“Let me remind you, you have been gone for a year and a half” Peter’s shrugs.

“Oh well, would have stayed outside longer, but the crew really wanted to come back” Elias looks at him furiously, but he can't really feel much beyond annoyance and anger, the rest is muffled.

“Now, i'm tired so goodbye”The man lets out a frustrated noise and tries to grab his arm, when he does he flinches so hard it makes him stumble and they two of them stare “I dont have anything to say to you, so if you would be kind enough to _fuck off_ from my sight it would be lovely” Elias is the one who looks hurt even for just a second, but he recovers quickly enough.

“I'm not trying to-” He sees him take a breath and pinch the bridge of his nose “Look, i think this is just a huge misunderstanding on both of our parts. So can we go and talk this like adults somewhere”

“No, go away” He is not giving in, he has already given up enough for him and it won't happen again. The man scowls.

“I did not want to do this, but you really dont make things easy for me do you? Peter, **_what are you afraid of telling me?”_ **He was about to walk off, when he felt his throat constrict and words willed themselves to appear.

“Stop it Elias!”

“Answer me first” He bites the inside of his cheek and tries very hard to disappear, but he is pinned by the eye and he can't escape.

“Dont-”

“Just tell me and it will be over” Over huh? The pressure feels very bad, but through a grimace he still replies.

“So that's it, you get your answer and you stop bothering me? Fine, but not here” Elias stares at him and after a few seconds comes to a conclusion for the feeling pulsing in his head and throat goes away.

“Lead the way”

He takes him to his apartment, once inside Elias looks around greedily, but eventually it becomes bored.

“You really need to decorate this place, its way too big and empty, albeit I suspect that's fine by you… mm some color and maybe a few curtains….” He trails off and starts to measure the living room.

“What does it matter? i only come to sleep and eat here for a few weeks and then leave again, its sort of pointless” He drops his stuff in his room and goes to stand in the living room, while Elias sits on his couch grimacing.

“How can you buy an actual good couch, but have the most awful one in your own place is baffling” 

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Yes Peter”

“Good, it serves its purpose then”

The both look angrily at each other.

“So answers” He sighs, just this once and then never again.

“Don't compel and ask”

“.... Why did you give me things and I mean the true reason” Peter just looks up.

“I wasn't lying, i really did think you would like them at first, later it was just more of an afterthought, i just really wanted to give you nice stuff”

“But why, what did you want in exchange!?” That stumps him.

“In- in exchange? I didn't want anything, i was ok with just having lunch and talking” Elias makes a calculating face.

“So you just… really gave it to me with no intention for getting anything else?” He looks baffled at him.

“What could i possibly want you to give me?” The shorter man looks at him in the face searchingly and seems to come to a conclusion since he looks to the side with a mild discomforted expression.

“I realize that I made a wrong assumption, based on… previous experiences. What i don't understand now is… why take me for dinner or kiss me when clearly you are not interested in me. I thought that you were- several times. But clearly I may have misjudged you” Now feeling more at loss he fiddles with his hands.

“As much as I hate it, I was interested. You started to go out and ignore me so i figured i had to do something and that you… well, you made it clear what you wanted” He sees him open his mouth to ask and Peter just stops him “Then you said that about wanting to know what i was afraid of and i figured you were just messing with me”

“You give me too much credit, I wasn't messing with you, I was curious to a very concerning degree, but i didn't let you live with me just to satiate that. I really wouldn't let anyone stay with me unless I actually wanted them there” He looks at him trying to see if he is lying, but he honestly looks rather upset and after a few seconds a little ashamed “ I thought that you were messing with me too. That you were trying to string me along and leave to make me lonely, that's why you left after spending the week with me”

“I realized I stayed there and wanted to leave before you asked for more” He looks confused.

“More of what? We were already living with each other, maybe you could have eventually moved to the bed with me-” Peter gives him a look.

“Were you honestly expecting me to slowly be in a relationship without me noticing?” Elias shrugs and blushes.

“I don't see why not, you would leave eventually sure, but you could stay there in the meantime” … That is quite the idea. “Final question, what were you scared off? Why rebuff me if you liked me, clearly it wasn't forsaken, I technically count as a spooky single for your family tastes” His mouth twitches upwards, he does count, the influence of the eye was off putting, but Elias was by all means alone. Still he doesn't want to say it, he goes to sit on the opposite end of the couch.

“.... I really-“ Love ”like you, but i dont- I just really can't-!” The words get stuck in his mouth and he panics, how to explain? Saying it makes it sound stupid and like he is lying. He isn't, Peter is an adult man, he has felt good at knowing that he was different, isolated even, but in this case its making him feel… bad. Useless in fact. Its unbecoming.

How to make him understand-?

Right, right.

“Could i show you? If I just picture it, I don't know how- I can really express it” Elias looks hungry and it makes him want to punch him and against all odds kiss him.

“Yes” Here goes nothing, he lets out a breath and thinks of not really finding any enjoyment in kissing, how sex is more of a concept or something to watch to mildy entertain himself, but not really something he wants for himsefl, how it makes his gut churn in dread to think himself involved.

That he didn't want to give Elias the wrong impression at first, that eventually he realized he liked him and the new wave of contradictions that brought, that even if he did want to be with him, Peter didn't want to do anything else beyond what they have and maybe more physical contact.

That Peter was lacking so he wanted to please him even if he felt sick to do it.

He has to cut his line of thought because it was getting a little too deep and there were a few more things he didn't want him to know.

Blinking he looked at Elias who’s smug grin got wiped out of his face and was now looking at him with a blank expression. Peter gives him his own tired one in return.

“You kissed me” He closes his eyes

“Yes”

“But it made you feel terrible, you were willing to have sex with me even of you didnt want to”

“Yes Elias! Are you happy? You have aaaall of the answers now, will you leave me alone?”

“No” Peter looks at him.

“What?”

“No, i'm not going to leave you alone, you sea watered idiot. God, you- Look, i dont paticularly want you to lie to my face and pretend you want to have sex with me, what did you even think was going to happen in the long run? You would end up resenting me that's what” Grimacing because it's true he asks in a long suffering tone.

“Then what? You clearly want to and I don't. Like i said its better if im alone”

“For the love of- Peter, I don't care, I have taken care of myself before, despite my own reservations I have some form of feelings for you, so can you please come and stay at my place so you can cook something and we can sleep in the bloody bed?” Feeling rather wrong footed he jokes.

“You just want someone to make you food, don't you?” He snorts.

“Maybe, maybe i want a giant sad sailor to make food, fight with me and cuddle, yes i saw that part”

“Bastard”

“Moron”

He considers and considers, eventually deciding to get up and when Elias does the same he lifts him up making him yell and Peter who still felt like he wanted to, kissed his face a few times until it ended in his mouth. Elias hits his chest stopping him.

“What did i just say-!”

“I want to, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, just not tongue please that feels horrible” The man narrows his eyes and eventually sighs against his lips making them tingle and his own face flush. 

“Fine” He kisses him, Elias bites his lips, but never tries to further it down. Peter in turn discovers he loves to leave bruises on his neck, the man makes such pretty little noises that do make his body react, but he shrugs it off and stops.

“Good?” Elias now breathing heavily and looking nicely disheveled nods.

“Yeah”

“Call a cab and i will pick up my stuff” 

Sleeping together at first was weird, but when morning came and Peter felt Elias wrapped around his back he figured that he could get used to it.

It's weird, but nice ultimately, Peter finally gets to lay on the couch and Elias when he comes after work drops on top of him to watch some TV, while he curses his archivist and complains about the two idiot researchers who got eaten by an artifact. Peter traces shapes on his back and after hesitating kisses the top of his head. Elias takes in a breath and makes a pleased sound.

They still are themselves so they fight about stupid stuff and someone storms off, but Peter buys gifts and Elias makes an effort to actually cook something for him. And they are ok and the routine resumes.

When Peter bakes a cake and the man tries it he looks like he was having a moment.

“Its great” Peter laughs and shrugs.

Eventually he has to leave

But he had thought hard about what to say to the man before then.

“If you want, you can go and have some… dates like before while i'm gone, if it pleases you” They were on the bed and Elias gave him an acidic look.

“Are you-”

“Only when i'm gone, I can't- I can't begrudge you for it” Elias kicks him.

“How many times do I need to tell you-” Peter bites his neck making him yelp.

“I just want you to have the option!”

“Ugh, you are impossible i can't believe you”

“Look, just think about it”

“Fine, fine!”

Peter leaves. The cold once he was on the ocean was perfect, there was a perfect pain in thinking that Elias might take on his offer and also that he missed the company while sleeping in his cabin.

He calls and doesn't ask, at one point Elias does admit to preparing to go out and Peter feels a stab that leaves him reeling but also makes him grin sadly.

“Have fun”

He comes back and they go back to being together. 

Elias after making him sit and walk around him in nervous energy tells him who he really is.

Being told that he is dating a 200 year old body stealer is sort of a shock, but its not the worst thing ever. So he takes it with a grain of salt and asks him what he wants for dinner. Elias or Jonah looks startled at him, but eventually smooths his face into his mask of indifference and tells him whatever he wanted.

Time passes and Peter buys a ring that he just leaves in the night table drawer before leaving again.

The call that comes when he stops in land, with the man yelling at him by the phone, was the most amusement he had in weeks.

“Yes”

“Yes what dear?” He is playing dumb, he knows, but its fun to do it. Elias lets out a long suffering sigh and replies.

“The answer is yes i will marry you, you damp fool”

Peter grins.

He is aware that Elias still wants to have sex with him, but is very mindful about it. Its weird to think about, Peter also considered the fact that the man, despite seeing his memories, probably doesn't really believe him about how he feels about the whole affair and is perhaps waiting for some form of failing on his part or logic.

Sometimes he wonders about it when they are in bed sleeping with Elias curled up close to him, he wonders if maybe he can let him do it, but it always ends up in the same feeling of dread and shame. Peter hates overthinking, its counterproductive, but its hard not to when he has the man so close.

Eventually it will break things off. He knows, how could it not? They fight over the most stupid topics and have to split up, how could this not be the final nail in the proverbial coffin?

It disturbs him.

Maybe it was all for nothing- maybe he -

“Pter?” Elias pokes his borrowed head from the pillow. Peter realizes he had been grabbing him too hard.

“Sorry”

“Mm” He sees him blink slowly at him, still drowzee and half asleep. It tugs his lips upwards. “What are you thinking at… 4 in the morning? Ughh, i wake up early you bastard”

He actually smiles at that.

“Just remembered walking among a lot of people, i'm going back to sleep”

“Stupid…” He moves closer and puts his face in the crook of his neck, Peter feels his heartbeat go faster and he sighs. Clingy while sleepy.

Closing his eyes and relaxing he focuses on the weight of the man and the smell of his shampoo.

Something floral it seems.

He falls asleep quickly.

Peter wakes up for some reason, he knows it's still early, but his brain kicks in and with his eyes still closed he tries to figure what the hell woke him up now.

Its quiet at first, enough that he gets lulled again, it's not until he feels Elias move in his arms that he figures that something was up. He had his back against his chest, they must have moved at some point during the night.

What calls his attention is the little sighs he lets out from time to time. Its not loud by any means and he only moves a little so it's not even that. Eventually he shifts more and lets out a tiny pant that actually lets him know what is going on.

He feels as if he should be offended, but his problem was to participate himself and he is curious. Its not as if Elias doesn't have an effect on him, clearly he does, because when they do kiss and Peter focuses on letting as many marks upon his skin as possible, the man’s gasps and stuttered moans do make him feel hot. So he stays in place and tries to hear more. 

As before it was something quiet and he had to strain to hear the occasional moan, he accidentally squeezed his middle making him freeze and let out a soft curse. The movement and sound stop and he reckons that he might me trying to gauge if he is awake or not. Peter… considers and decides he wants to keep him going. So he moves but as if he was just adjusting a little and gets closer to him. 

Elias lets out a breath and after a long pause when it seems that nothing else happens he starts to move again.

He pays attention and makes sure he doesn't press his hips close to him, his body does react to the sounds.

Apparently Elias was the only one that got that reaction out of him.

He wonders why.

It keeps going, albeit at one point he does seem to become louder and he hears him curse and moan, making him adjust a little. The man either is too busy or doesn't pay attention, because the next thing Peter knows is that he shudders in his arms and goes boneless.

Part of him is disappointed that he didn't get to hear more of it. The other is rather conflicted about the whole thing. It adds to the list of contradictions in his already confused life that bothers him endlessly.

Because he doesn't want to participate at all, it still disgusts him, but on the other hand he is curious about Elias and its maddening that this man could have such a hold over him.

God what a mess.

Eventually he feels Elias move a little and after a while settles in his arms, Peter squeezes him and relaxes. He drifts off with the man.

His own problem will go away eventually so its not really an issue.

  
  


By morning he could pretend it was all just a dream. Hell maybe it was, his husband doesn't seem to be bothered at all and perhaps Peter did just conjure all of that up with his own stress about their relationship.

He was so convinced that he just imagined it that when Elias spoke with him during breakfast he almost choked on his food.

“So did you like the show last night?” He was swallowing his breakfast and it almost killed him. 

“Wha-” Elias looks at him pensively and with a laser focus, making him want to partially hide with the fog.

“Really, listening in and not even offering a comment how rude”

“What- what could i even say?”

“I don't know, maybe to stop?” Peter stares and tries to figure if he is messing with him.

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“I did not, i just woke up and felt a pressing matter, i was warm in bed and did not felt like letting it be” 

“... Well then why would i tell you to stop, as long as im not participating its not my business i believe” Elias suddenly has a glint.

“As long as you don't participate you say….?”

Peter feels like a trapped animal and he doesn't like it at all, so with a sudden bout of power he disappears. Or well more like he is in the kitchen just that he is alone at the very least.

God what was he even supposed to say? He doesn't understand himself half of the time.

He should probably pick up his stuff and go, the Tundra sailed in the afternoon, maybe he would be more clear headed there.

Nodding and finishing his breakfast he went to change and go. He can feel Elias on his periphery, just like he feels small stabs of knowing trying to hit him.

Mm, he is annoyed. Maybe he should get a new ring when he comes back.

  
  


Peter comes back three months later. His husband was acting cold with him, which was normal when he runs off in the middle of their conversations.

Reading in bed one of those romance novels that Elias claims to hate, he doesn't expect the man to come out of the bathroom with his bathrobe unmade showing off his body. Peter looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is about to propel himself into forsaken when he gives him an exasperated look.

“I'm not trying to seduce you, you heathen, stop dissapearing i just want to test something out!” Putting the book down, not before marking the page he nods, albeit awkwardly. When it seems that he is not going to run off, Elias shoulders relax.

“... Im aware that you do not want to have sex, and im ok with it” He was about to protest, but it shuts him up “You are not as hard to read as you think, i know it still bothers you, out of mild respect i dont poke to know what sort of wrong idea you get about me, but im going to assume that you may think that i will get tired and dispose of you?” Weakly he nods and tries to keep his eyes to his face, while he feels his face flush.

Elias looks at him and then to the roof before letting out a sigh and finally covering himself with the bathrobe.

“Why the-”

“There is a point just wait till I get there” He looks at him. “I do like to indulge myself that's true, and… i have given you the wrong impression before. But i want to clarify, i have done as you say and go out while you are away, however its not really… well its not very fulfilling as of now, it feels rather bleak in all honesty, when i would rather have someone else” Looking to the side he nods and knows that he is really the problem in this case so he should-

“Which is why I wanted to.. negotiate. I only know how you feel regarding sex involving you. But say if you don't participate and merely… Look, would that be alright?” Peter looks bewildered at him.

“I don't think looking would be enough for you to-”

“Peter, i know what i like so trust me, you looking at me? It will do wonders. Now, is that ok with you?” Thinking about the other night, he muses. He tries to do his usual test and picture it.

Elias in bed, naked or just with his pants open working himself up, while Peter sits, watches and listens to his every little moan and breath, his face flushed and looking wantonly at him, but knowing he can't have him-

His dick twitches and he gets his answer.

“Yeees” He slips up and he coughs to cover it up, but Elias looks at him with a wicked expression.

“Good boy” Oh, thats-

Peter blushes and the man goes to where he is sitting down and leans against him.

“Now i want you to cater to my every whim, so if you don't mind… A little incentive by getting kissed wouldn't hurt” Peter laughs against his neck and grabs his face with both hands before peppering his cheeks with kisses until he reaches his mouth.

“Not feeling like it today sorry… perhaps a compensation with your neck or… chest would do?” He groans and it feels nice to hear.

“Yes, Peter please” Oh he likes that.

With wild abandon he goes to kiss and bite the skin there leaving as many marks as he possibly can. His hands sneak in the robe and caresses his tummy, making Elias moan.

It's when he accidentally brushes the other groin that he stops, nope, not going there. 

Regardless.

He looked lovely like that, all flushed, marked and with his hair a mess.

“Should i sit on the chair to watch the show?”

“Mm, if you don't mind? Albeit, Peter… if you don't want to watch anymore let me know and i will-” He kisses the tip of his nose.

“Don't stop on my account, i will just go to watch tv if its too much”

Elias watches him, but nods.

He feels nervous, since he really wasn't expecting this, he is also unsure if he can go through it all. Hearing it and not seeing it was one thing, this was a little bit more involved than he was used to.

So it goes.

Peter… enjoys it, Elias really, _really_ loves it. But it does get too much at one point for him so he tells the man he is going to the other room. Before that he goes and after hesitating kisses the top of his sweaty forehead.

“You look so very pretty like that my lovely siren, you even make such enticing sounds” Elias pupils are huge and he sees his dick twitch at the praise. Smirking he gives him a final kiss and goes.

It's a while before the man comes back. Peter feels…. good, it was really good to do that.

He groans and his body feels like it's on fire, after debating it he quickly gets a hand in his pants and finishes rather quickly. It's not something he particularly likes, but he really did need it. 

After cleaning his hands, he lays on the couch relaxed and watches a movie, before his husband finally emerges from the room, looking much more put together. He was wearing one of his sweaters and a pair of boxers. Peter likes the look and he will never admit it.

Elias goes and lays on top of him, the weight is grounding.

“...Sorry for leaving”

“No, its ok, i enjoyed it a lot”

They stay like that for a long while.

“I think I would rather do that from now on if its ok with you” Peter was lightly tracing patterns on his back when the man spoke.

“Mm?”

“Instead of going out of my way when you are out, albeit i really haven't been doing it for months now” 

“You haven't?” He softly sighs.

“I can look after myself better and honestly, like I said, I had something better so why bother” Snorting in disbelief he nudges him a little.

“Really your husband that is an anomaly and cant have sex with you, oh i dont know why would it be better” Elias actually bites his neck making him yelp.

“You little leech-”

“My husband is an idiot who is merely asexual, but is at the very least aware of the monsters in this world, makes me food when he is here and despite being the most obnoxious Lukas i have ever met in all my years, you are by far the most entertaining too” It feels like compliements which is strange to hear and it prickles at forsaken, but what calls his attention is the word he used.

“What do you mean asexual?” Elias lifts his head and looks at him with a mix between fondness and exasperation.

“I googled it to see if i could find whatever was up with you, plus i might have also used beholding to get the info too. Its the term used for people who feel little to no sexual attraction”

His brain sort of short circuits.

“There is a name for it? and… others are like that too?” Elias snorts.

“You didn't really think you were the only one right? Regardless, its not very well known, people generally claim its not a thing”

“Huh” He narrows his eyes.

“You totally did think it was just you didnt you? You self centered idiot, honestly if you just looked for it on the internet, wonderful thing by the way, back in the day this would have been impossible to figure out-” He kept going and Peter lets him ramble while he also insults his intelligence, he knows its both an endearment and an actual insult, but he can't really be mad when he is also just clinging to him like a particular fussy cat.

In the end he kisses him to shut him up, the whole thing warmed him up to it apparently.

“Still, i like you physically, shouldn't i just..”

“There is a difference, between physical attraction and sexual desire. You don't want me sexually, you just like how i look”

He stays quiet.

“I liked to watch you, wouldn't that exclude me from-?”

“No, you dumbass, i- look i'm not an expert, i can get you what i read so you can understand better if you want, but you still count no matter what” He has questions which is weird to say, but he also doesn't want to say all of them to Elias, some are personal. So he says that it would be nice if he did give him the papers.

“God or maybe you could see it on a computer..?”

Peter tries to not give away the fact that he knows perfectly well how to use one and has been messing with Elias the entire time about not knowing how.

“I don't know… i still don't like the whole email thing-” 

“Do I have to explain it again??” Elias becomes grumpy and sits on his lap while explaining how to use the computer, Peter grabs his hand and plays with his fingers while feeling way too smug and comfortable to admit he tunes him out and just enjoys the whole ordeal.

Its certainly a weird concept, but his husband honestly seems to not want to divorce him for it, oh he will about everything else, no doubt. Peter will always feel that niggling feeling that maybe Elias will get tired of him, but the man is rather accommodating. He ponders that to him from time to time making him sigh.

“I will divorce you if you keep insisting, but… honestly? I don't mind, ok sometimes i do, but it gets overshadowed with the fact that i like the way things are between us, there is no pressure to do anything from each side that we don't want to do, and every since you started to comment while watching i'm getting far too much satisfaction from it to actually complain”

“That and all the toys you keep buying with my credit card”

“Mm, as if you didn't like seeing it”

He does. Most of the time at least, he still has to leave sometimes, getting overwhelmed, others he manages to stay the entire time until Elias is trying to catch his breath in bed looking at him, making him shift in his seat.

“Hush”

Peter has his own little carved place on this earth with his husband, his god and his ship. He feels at ease with the routines he has made for himself and the life he has.

If his 15 or 20 year old self saw him they would probably hate how things are for him, but honestly? He couldn't be more satisfied with it.

  
  


Extra

“You know… the people who identify as asexual consider themselves part of a community so does that mean that you-”

“Elias shut the fuck up and go to sleep please” The room is quiet, that never bodes well for him.

“We could absolutely go to pride this year, there is even a flag for you and all-”

“I hate you and I want a divorce” Elias hugs him from behind and he doesn't need to see him to know he is smirking smugly at him.

God he wants to punch him so much.

“File it then you coward”

….

Elias gets him a small pin with the colors of the flag that he never wears in public, less someone identifies with him, god forbids but.

But he does take it with him when he travels. Elias after all is not the kind of person to give presents, so he keeps it close to him along with the green scarf he knitted for him.

He finds the fact that the man actually likes to knit so funny for some reason.

“You bake when you are stressed, and i knit so fuck off”

Peter can't say anything back to that so he nods and asks if he wants him to make cookies or muffins.

Life is good at the very least.

Far better than he ever expected it to be.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do a fic that catered to myself so much. I just wanted to do a story with my favourite evil sailor and my own type of flavor of Aceness. Because its self care and i can project my own issues into Peter as much as i want.  
> Its free real estate and this man can fit so many thoughts in him.  
> Plus I just had a horrid week and I needed something nice to calm down my nerves.  
> Also Elias had his own fair share of issues regarding his relationship with Peter at first, because he assumed things from previous experiences.  
> If you liked it leave me a comment!!


End file.
